Being a part of a family is hard work, like really hard work sometimes. There are so many people that we are connected with whether it is by blood or choice and keeping it all together is a task. We serve many roles in our life and not all of them look or feel the same. Not all of the relationships are healthy or stable at the same time either.

So how do we make sure that we are balancing our different roles, nurturing those around us and taking care of ourselves? That takes some insight and work but if you are struggling with some of your relationships or you just need to create more balance in your life, here are some quick steps that may get you going in the right direction.

1.       Identify boundaries- It is important to know where your limits are. These boundaries could be with your kids, your spouse, your parents or your great uncle. Regardless of who it is with, you have to know where your limits are with the people around you. These boundaries could be needed because you are overwhelmed in life, there are people in your life that are not making you happy or you are not feeling safe in your life. No matter the reason, figure out where you need the boundary and STICK TO IT!

2.       Communicate-After you have identified what your boundaries are with the people in your life or your family, the next task is to figure out how to communicate the boundaries to others. This can be a challenging step and change is hard for anybody. Explaining to people why things are changing can be awkward but it can open up the door for them to be able to ask questions or figure out where they fit in with the new parameters you have set.

3.       Ask for support- You may not know what boundaries you need, or fear that family members will have an unfavorable reaction to the boundaries that you have come up with. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP! This is a part of the process can be necessary but uncomfortable. You may need a professional like a therapist, life coach, or just a really good friend to help you through the struggle.

4.       Own your stuff – If you are thinking that you need to set boundaries to create a healthier balance for yourself or your family, you may also need to take a look at your own behaviors. How are you contributing to the stress you are feeling? Have you set expectations for yourself that no one else would expect from you? Are the boundaries already there but you are allowing yourself to cross them? If these things are happening, it is okay. Acknowledge that it is happening, commit to yourself to do better, and be okay that you aren’t perfect and you shouldn’t expect perfection from others.

If you are struggling to figure out where your limits are or how to express them to others, now is the time to reach out for support.

Written by Chantel Landeros, MS, LMFTC

Thrive Marriage & Family Counseling

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