YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.

Relationships are difficult. There is no other way around it. We have many relationships in our life that come easy and others that take a lot of work! We don’t normally talk about or think about having a relationship with ourselves but take a step back and think about it.The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship that you have in your life.

 When we talk about relationships, we focus on enjoying each other’s company, communication, judgement, how to get along with others, and how to work together. When these things are not going well in our relationships, we can feel it on an internal and external level. We argue with others, talk badly about them, it causes us to lose support and in turn lose relationships. The relationships can be mended but it takes work and commitment on both sides to work on the relationship.

 The same thing can happen with the relationship we have with ourselves. There are times when we are not strong individually, we are in a constant battle with ourselves, having self-talk that is detrimental and VERY HURTFUL and we can constantly just be plain mean to ourselves. We are likely more hurtful to ourselves than we are to other people. Have you ever actually said to another person, “You are too fat to fit in those jeans.” or “You will never get anywhere in life.”? I imagine that the answer to that question is, NO! We don’t say those things to other people. First of all, I believe that most people don’t think those things about other people. Secondly, it is socially unacceptable to do so because it hurts people’s feelings and isn’t necessary.

SO WHY ARE YOU SAYING THOSE THINGS TO YOURSELF?!

Let’s talk about some steps to STOP:

1.     Recognize that you are being plain mean to yourself! This doesn’t take much explanation. If you aren’t feeling good about yourself, you are probably thinking bad thoughts about yourself and not treating your mind or body right.

2.     Replace the thinking. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, STOP, and ask yourself, “Is this actually true?” Then, when you likely recognize that the mean thing you are saying isn’t true, replace the thought with a positive thought.

3.     Be kind to yourself. You really are doing the best you can with what you have right now. Believe that. AND you can implement new habits, new ways of thinking, and new ways of doing things that will result in you treating yourself like you deserve to be treated!

Chantel Landeros, MS, LMFTC
Thrive Marriage & Family Counseling